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Review by S-HIRYU
Fist of the North Star
NES - Toei - Action - N/A - 1 Player
Undoubtedly one of the most disturbing NES titles in recent memory, Fist of the North Star allowed the player to assume the role of Kenshirou from the great manga of the same title. Sporting graphics sad for it’s time, Fist of the North Star’s visuals often resulted in disorientation and temporary blindness. The plot is simple-you punch people, they explode. That’s about as deep as it gets. From time to time random NPCs do make an appearance, but they are as baffling as the flying bottles that suddenly appear out of nowhere, flying at your head. But more on that later. As for those previously mentioned NPCs? A fine example of this deep player interaction occurs directly following the first stage boss. Two characters, I assume by size one was a male and one was a female, run onto the screen, stop, then disappear. But, for the sake of argument, we’ll just assume that the untold story behind this game is identical to that of the manga and move on.
Contrary to what this picture portrays, the post-apocalyptic world of Fist of the North Star is not constantly threatened by a massive, suspended tidal wave.
Gameplay is simple yet bewildering. The A button punches, B kicks. A and B plus right makes Kenshirou enter a door. No, that’s not a typo. A + B + right makes you enter a door. Up makes your character jump. If you hold it down, you can of course skyrocket to the top of the screen. Why not? Interestingly enough, as you proceed, you can gain abilities such as the infamous Fist of the North Star rapid fire barrage of punches and kicks. Once you've grabbed a sufficient amount of stars you will grow into a hulking brute of your former self and rip your shirt and shoulder pads off while stars cascade from your body (again, not a typo). At this point fireballs may also be thrown by pressing (you guessed it) A and B simultaneously, which makes walking through doors a huge pain in the ass while this ability is available. To gain power-ups, you must punch your foes. Kicking them sends their bodies flying out of the screen which, as real life occurrences have proved, will not force a corpse to yield a power-up. Basically, this makes the B button essentially worthless sans the ability to enter doors and throw fireballs.
Check out that brilliant character design! Also note the repeating texture work in the solid mass of 'dirt' beneath Kenshirou.
Collision detection is absolutely horrendous in this game. Especially painful right off the bat, the first mid-boss has only one weak spot; his head. Of course it’s not his whole head that is capable of receiving damage. No, the genius developers at Toei decide his Achilles Heel is but a mere pixel or two, resulting in the absolute worst boss battle in all of video game history.
Watch out for the flying bottles! That white dot to the left of Kenshirou is a bottle making contact with his body. That's how off the collision detection is.
The enemies are just as bizarre as the play mechanics, I assure you. I can’t tell what it is the common enemy is supposed to resemble; either hardcore punk or Native American. Apart from the mohawk, any visual indication of their being is just up for grabs. Regardless, they almost look menacing due to their unintentionally abstract aesthetics, but they come sporting no shirts nor pants, which happens to drop their menace level down a notch. As previously mentioned, you find the wasteland setting in which you so fondly punch pantless Native Americans comes complete with a variety of bottles soaring through the air and at your head, for no apparent reason and from no indicated source. That’s classic NES game logic at its best.
There he is. The worst boss in a video game. Ever. Note his lack of pants.
I briefly considered rambling on about the way the frightening WWF reject of a first boss does a little jig then explodes into a dozen pieces after you manage to miraculously land ten punches or kicks to his person. But I think I’ve tortured you for long enough. I highly suggest you try to find this game; chances are your local game store will either be willing to pay you to take it off their hands, or sell it to you for a moderately reasonable price. Now once you have this game in your hands, place it on the game store counter and proceed to strike it with any solid object as many times as possible before you are evicted from the premise. If you ever find one of your friends playing this game, promptly run over to the console, shut it off, and then hit your friend in the face with a stick. Once they have turned to face you in utter incomprehension and no doubt embarrassment, take him or her by the back of the head, rub their face against the TV screen and firmly shout “No.”
For your viewing pleasure:
- They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I refuse to elaborate.
3.0
-- Everything is horrific. The music loops every five to ten seconds.
2.5
-- Ridiculous collision detection, blasphemic play control, and wretched game mechanics.
2.0
-- The manga was originally conceived by an artist who carefully designed its characters and environments. Those ideas then got molested beyond recognition during their voyage from concept to actual game.
1.5
-- Heh.
1.0
-- You have not lived life until you have expereinced the genius that is Toei's Fist of the North Star.
2.0
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